


What Remains

by Tani



Category: Naruto
Genre: Character Death, Gen, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-07-05 15:36:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15866568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tani/pseuds/Tani
Summary: "The kunai slid home easily, slipping between the vertebrae just as she'd known it would."What if Sakura had succeeded in her attempt on Sasuke's life?





	What Remains

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this shortly after reading the manga chapter where Sakura attempts to kill Sasuke. I immediately wondered what would happen if she had succeeded. This is my imagining of that. 
> 
> It's been years since I actually read this scene, so it may have twisted in my mind a bit from what it was originally, and I have not gone back to reread or even watch this part yet. Apologies if I took too many liberties for it to recognizable, but hopefully it will make sense regardless.

The kunai slid home easily, slipping between the vertebrae just as she'd known it would. 

She'd thought that time would stop. She'd thought that Sasuke might turn and look at her with those cold eyes. Maybe now, when she'd ended his life, maybe now he would see her. She'd thought a lot of things, but the reality was that Sasuke simply fell. 

His boneless sprawl looked like death, but she knew from her training that, based on where she'd severed his spine, death wouldn't be immediate. For now, he was simply unconscious. In minutes, he would asphyxiate, his lungs unable to move without the connection of his spinal cord. Now, though, with his body crumpled at her feet, she could still feel his familiar chakra, surging in him as it tried to find a way to fix what was broken. 

She could fix it, she knew. She'd learned more than enough to do that. It wasn't too late to undo what she'd done. 

Vaguely, she was aware of Kakashi calling her name, of Naruto barging onto the scene. All she could see, though, was Sasuke. He seemed smaller now, less powerful, with death drawing nearer with every passing second. She knelt, laid a hand on his blood-stained back. His body was still warm, but soon it would be cold. She had done that. 

It was easy to turn him over, to hide the evidence. Laying on his back, he almost looked peaceful. That, more than anything, convinced her that this was real. It wasn't just some nightmare. Sasuke was dying because of her, and she was going to watch, without helping. 

Warm hands gripped her shoulders, and the world spun as they shook her. It was Naruto. He was saying something, but she couldn't hear it past the roaring in her ears. Even without hearing, though, she knew what he wanted. Fix Sasuke, his eyes pleaded. Make him better. He still didn't realize that Sasuke was beyond fixing. He probably never would. 

Finally, the shaking stopped. The world stilled. Sasuke's chakra was gone. He was dead. There was no going back now. Sakura thought that maybe she should cry, but it seemed that all her tears had dried up. When it's the end of the world, there's no point in crying. 

\---

They walked in silence. Kakashi had sent Naruto into the woods to find Lee, Kiba, and Sai while they went back to Konoha. Kakashi had some reasoning for this, but Sakura hadn't been able to focus long enough to hear what it was. All she knew was that she was glad he'd done it this way. After that moment when they had all felt Sasuke vanish from the world, Naruto hadn't even looked at her. It was like in his world she no longer existed.

Kakashi had at least looked at her, spoken to her, even if she hadn't heard all he had said. It was like there was a layer of cotton between her and the rest of the world. Within that layer of cotton, she could feel the kunai slicing into Sasuke's body. She could see him fall. She could feel the emptiness as his chakra disappeared from the world. This was reality. Everything else...

“Sakura.” 

The sound of her name reached her through the cotton, and she looked up from the ground where her gaze had fallen. Kakashi was speaking. He had stopped walking, so she stopped too. His face was solemn, as it so often was these days. Her heart twinged for the days when he had at least faked a smile, and she looked down once again. 

“Sakura.” His voice was more insistent this time. “Look at me.” 

He was her teacher, and it was habit to obey, so she looked up again. 

“Sakura, I'm sorry.” 

Sorry? What was he apologizing for? She had made her choice, and even now, through the cotton and the pain, she knew it was the right one. He shouldn't be sorry. She wasn't. 

“I'm sorry that you're going through this. I should have been the one to kill Sasuke, not you. It was my lack of guidance that led to this situation in the first place. I failed Sasuke, and now I've failed you. I-”

Sakura shook her head, forcing words past the cotton before he could continue. “No. You made the chance for me. You made it possible. Isn't that what a teacher does: make things possible for his students? You're the best teacher I could have asked for, Kakashi-sensei. You're not a failure.” She shook her head again, trying to force out more words, to tell him how much his presence had always meant to her, but none came. The cotton was creeping back in. Desperate, she finally settled on “Thank you.” 

“No, Sakura. Thank you.” Then Kakashi did the unthinkable: he bowed. 

Hands shaking, Sakura pushed him back into a standing position. 

They continued walking. 

\---

She slept that night, although part of her hadn't expected to, and the night after that as well. It was the third night, after Shizune told her that she was officially out of commission, pending a full psychiatric evaluation, that didn't go so well. The fourth night went no better, and it was in the depths of her third night without true sleep that Sakura started to build the barriers. She started with a scroll, laying out her room, and went from there. 

It wasn't a barrier that was meant to harm anyone, so she had to make some changes as she went along. After all, no matter what, these were her friends and family, and she didn't want to hurt them. She just didn't want to see them either. If touched, the barrier would simply displace the person by a few feet, (hopefully) not harming them in any way. 

She also built in a door, so she could still get food and water. After all, she wasn't suicidal. She simply wanted to be alone, and although the last few days had been relatively peaceful, she could just feel the people drawing near. She wasn't ready, and she didn't know when she would be. This was the only way she knew of to put them off.

Her friends discovered the barrier in increments, and each reacted differently. Kiba spent an hour yelling up at her window while she covered her ears and wished desperately that she'd included some kind of defense against sound in her barrier jutsu. Lee spent the better part of a day stubbornly running into the barrier, getting displaced backward, and then running forward again. It was at that point that Sakura was grateful that she hadn't designed the barrier to do anything harmful because she truly might have killed Lee. Even so, when Lee showed up the second day, it was with a feeling of relief that she watched him simply train outside her window, doing sit-ups and push-ups and running in place until she thought she might pass out from exhaustion just from watching. 

Chouji, Hinata, and Tenten all made it a point to pass by her house whenever they could, waving each time, even though she never acknowledged their presence. Eventually, she even came to watch for them, and her heart lifted just the tiniest bit when she saw them wave. 

It was because of that habit that she noticed when Ino came for the first time. Sakura watched from behind the curtains as Ino tried the barrier, even though she must have already known what would happen. She certainly showed no signs of reacting with surprise when she was displaced. Instead, she scowled and stomped off down the street. Sakura had to smile a little because she could just hear her making some disparaging remark about her forehead, even though she hadn't actually said a thing. It was the first time she had smiled in days, and it just figured that Ino would be the one to inadvertently draw it out of her. There was something to be said for best friends, even ones who generally acted more like best enemies. 

The next day, her mother brought a bouquet of flowers with her lunch. Almost unwillingly, Sakura pulled out her notebook of flower meanings from the Academy. An eglantine rose for 'a wound to heal', rosemary for remembrance, straw for united, and pear blossoms for 'lasting friendship'. Sakura blinked away tears and reached for the simple card that was half-hidden in the bouquet. 

Don't hide away forever, forehead girl. Your friends miss you.

It was unsigned, but there was no doubt in Sakura's mind that it was from Ino. This time, the tears couldn't be blinked away. Sakura cried for the first time since Sasuke's death. 

That night, she actually managed a few hours of sleep, so when Shikamaru's lazy voice penetrated her dreamless haze, the surge of anger escaped her before she remembered that Sasuke was dead and that she was the one who had killed him. Thankfully, Shikamaru had anticipated the swing, and in the shadow-filled room, she found herself frozen in mid-swing for a second before her hands returned to her side against her will. Then the jutsu was gone like it had never been there.

Shikamaru had melted back into the shadows at the attack, until he was barely visible. He sighed. “That was close. This is why women are a pain.”

Sakura scowled, unreasonably irritated by the Shikamaru-esque comment. “Well, maybe things would work out better for you if you weren't sneaking into people's rooms in the middle of the night and disturbing what little sleep they're getting.” 

“So you aren't sleeping well,” Shikamaru said, instantly picking up on the one point that she'd rather he didn't. This was one of the reasons why she'd tried sealing herself off in the first place. 

“How did you get in here, anyway?” Sakura demanded. 

Shikamaru shrugged. “I have my ways. Don't worry, I'm not about to drag you out of hiding. I just wanted to...” He shrugged again. 

Sakura nearly growled. Infuriating man. He probably wouldn't give you a straight answer even if you asked if the sky was blue. “What? Annoy me into staying in hiding longer?” 

“You do plan to come out eventually, then. I wasn't sure.” 

“Didn't your mother teach you how to answer a simple question?” 

Shikamaru's mouth twisted into a smirk. “Of course she did, and if she was in this room, you can bet I would. But I don't see her here, do you?” He paused for just long enough that Sakura almost said the angry retort that was on the tip of her tongue, then continued. “Anyway, I should be going.” 

Sakura's mouth fell open. That was it? He'd invaded her only sanctuary, woken her up, and mocked her, and now he was just going to go? 

Yes, apparently he was. Between one blink of the eye and the next, he vanished, leaving not even the customary puff of smoke in his place. Sakura stared for a moment, then closed her mouth and assessed her options. Sleep was out, given the anger that was still pulsing through her veins. Well, maybe she could work off some of her annoyance. It was better not to let herself get soft anyway. 

Sakura began to train. 

\---

Somehow, even behind her self-imposed barrier, the word that Tsunade was awake made it to her. She spent that day expecting to feel that familiar presence drawing near, but there was nothing. She didn't know what to think about that, so she tried not to. It wasn't like Tsunade was obligated to come see her. She was just an apprentice, after all, and Tsunade had a village to run. 

She was woken from a much-needed doze the following day by the unsettling feeling of her apartment shaking around her. For a second, her befuddled mind thought earthquake, and then she registered the familiar chakra that was causing the entire thing. 

Bolting into a sitting position, she darted to the window. Peering out, the first thing she saw was her master. Tsunade's hair was whipping in an unnatural wind (probably created by her own chakra; she did have that flair for the dramatic), and her stance was steady despite the way she was making the ground shake under her own feet. 

As soon as Tsunade saw her in the window, the shaking stopped. “Lower the barrier,” she demanded, voice amplified by chakra. 

Sakura opened her mouth to give the obvious denial, but Tsunade spoke again before she could. “And don't you dare tell me 'no', girl, or I'll rip that pathetic excuse for a house down around your ears.”

Sakura shut her mouth and let her built-in door swing open. She expected Tsunade to march her way up, give her a good chewing out, and then drag her out the door kicking and screaming. Instead, the unnatural wind stopped whipping Tsunade's hair. Quiet fell over the world, even though her street was one which was usually pretty well-used. No one was in sight, and as seconds ticked by without Tsunade moving, it become increasingly obvious that Tsunade expected Sakura to come to her. 

Part of Sakura, the part that had led to her to shut herself away in the first place, didn't want to. The rest of her, however, knew that she had to. This was what a teacher was, and when she had accepted Tsunade as her teacher, she had given her the power to do this. Learning, Sakura had discovered through countless training sessions, sometimes hurt. She had a feeling that she was about to learn a lot more than she ever bargained for. 

With a sigh, Sakura let her carefully constructed barrier fall entirely, feeling the slight wind that rose as the chakra dispersed back into the earth from which it had come. Then, carefully schooling her face into as much neutrality as she could manage, she went down to meet her teacher. 

“Walk with me,” Tsunade said when they were finally face to face. 

Sakura nodded, and fell into step. 

After a moment that stretched a lifetime, Tsunade asked, “What is a shinobi?” 

“A shinobi is a weapon. We are the shield and the sword that protect our village, whatever it takes.” 

“Even weapons suffer wear and tear. Sometimes, they break.” 

“Sasuke was a broken weapon,” Sakura said, even though saying his name sent jabs of pain stabbing throughout her entire body. 

“He was that,” Tsunade agreed. “He had lost what was important. Just because he did so out of pain does not change the results. He hurt and killed, and turned upon those he was supposed to protect.”

“He would have killed me,” Sakura said, and the horror of it was still so near that she felt it choke her until she had to gasp for air. Sasuke, the boy that she had always loved more than anyone else, had been ready to kill her. Not for anything she did. Not for anything she was. Simply because she was in his way. She was nothing more to him than an obstacle to be removed, after everything they had been through. 

“I don't regret doing it,” she said suddenly. The words fell on the empty street like glass, shattering whatever sense of peace they may have held. “I just regret that I waited so long.” Tears slipped from her eyes, wetting her cheeks and then the dusty road. “Is that wrong of me?” 

“A shinobi is a weapon, but not an unreasoning one. We all must make these choices, and we must make them with our eyes open. It doesn't matter what I think about this choice, Sakura. Sasuke was an enemy of the village, and you did what you had to. As far as I am concerned, my involvement ends there. What you feel... that is your own burden to bear. You must decide whether your feelings are wrong. No one else.” 

Sakura sighed. “I understand.” There would be no easy absolution. There would just be steps, taken one at a time. Where those steps took her was up to her own discretion. 

Tsunade was silent for long moments after that, and Sakura followed her lead, content to let the silence stretch. After such a stretch of isolation, there was something soothing about seeing the bustle of village life around her. People hurried about their everyday tasks, laughing and gossiping. Life, it seemed, did indeed go on. 

Eventually, the direction they were taking clicked in her head. The memorial lay straight ahead. Sakura's heart squeezed, but her step did not falter. People always talked about closure when they talked about losing someone. Just because she'd been the one doing the killing didn't make it any less of a loss for her. Sasuke had been her first crush, the object of her girlhood fantasies. He'd also been a friend. A teammate. It was just as important to remember him that way as it was to remember what he had become. 

She had expected the clearing that held the memorial stone to be deserted. It wasn't. With her arrival, the only surviving member of the Rookie 9 that was missing was Naruto. Kurenai-sensei stood with her team, her child cradled in Kiba's gentle arms. Team Gai was also present, with their sensei standing by. Iruka-sensei stood with Team 10, and although he was nowhere to be seen, Sakura could clearly feel Kakashi's chakra somewhere in the trees nearby. It was this unexpected show of support that did her in, more than the looming sight of the stone. Her eyesight blurred as she stepped closer to the stone. Tsunade was no longer walking with her. She walked alone. 

The memorial was as always, eternally changing. She knelt and let her fingers trace the latest entry. 

Uchiha Sasuke, Team 7.

Her knees trembled, but instead of sinking to the ground, she straightened. This was probably the moment to say something. Offer a eulogy. Share some rose-colored memory. But instead, she found herself wordless. So, she stood, silent, her friends and teachers at her back. It was the only commemoration she had in her. 

\---

That night, as darkness fell, she set out on a personal mission. She started at his apartment building, but she couldn't feel his chakra in his house, and the landlady confirmed that he hadn't been around all day. She tried the ramen shop next, although she had little hope that he would be found in such a bright and cheerful place. Her next stop was the memorial stone, but she couldn't feel even a trace of his chakra there, either. 

She spent the next half hour wandering haphazardly between the homes of their friends and yearmates, but no one had seen him at all. In fact, he'd been a rare sight for the entire time that they'd been back. No one had managed to get any words with him, other than passing greetings. This fact made fear grow in her stomach. What if he'd committed suicide and was laying somewhere, dead and rotting, and no one had even deigned to notice? Suddenly, she bitterly regretted her days of isolation. She'd been selfish, and now it seemed like Naruto may have paid the price for her selfishness. 

She spent another fruitless half hour crashing around the paths of the Forbidden Forest, all her senses on high alert for any sign of something amiss. She revisited all the important sites of that long-ago chuunin exam, and although everything was just as she remembered it, Naruto was nowhere to be found in any of it. 

Finally, tired and out of breath, she headed for the rocks that pictured their previous Hokages. Darkness had fallen for real now, and it was impossible to see that far, but she finally felt that familiar chakra, and knew that she was on the right path. It was damped down, but Naruto had never been good enough to hide that vast power, especially from her. It had only been her own stupidity that had kept her from finding it sooner. And maybe a bit of her own fear. Sasuke had been so important to Naruto. Did he see the necessity in what she'd done? Could he see it? 

“Naruto,” she said, stepping toward the edge where he was sitting. “Can I sit?” 

He nodded, but didn't speak. 

Sakura hesitated, decided that she could only take him at his word, and sank down onto the cold stone. She crossed her legs, folded her hands in her lap, and waited. 

The village looked so beautiful from here. The lights pierced the darkness like bigger and brighter versions of the stars, creating new constellations. You couldn't see the unhappiness, the pettiness, the sadness that plagued human life when you got too close. Everything was clear and quiet. Simple. She could see why Naruto liked it up here. 

Naruto shifted beside her. “Why did you do it, Sakura? I've been thinking and thinking, and I just don't understand.” His voice was rough, a hint of a growl behind it that probably should have made her afraid that the Kyuubi was close to manifesting. Instead, it just made sad. 

“It had to be done. He wasn't our Sasuke anymore, Naruto. He'd become someone else.” 

“He could have come back. We could have helped him!”

Sakura shook her head. “No. We couldn't have.” 

Naruto didn't answer.

Sakura dared to look away from the impersonal lights of Konoha. Naruto's face was tense and drawn with misery, and even in the darkness she could see the sheen of tears in his eyes. Wanting to comfort him, she reached out to put her hand on his shoulder, but before she could even make contact, he moved out of reach.

She let her hand fall. “I love you, Naruto, but sometimes you see too much hope in the world. You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved. Sasuke made his choices. He would have killed both of us, and never looked back.” 

“I can't believe that, and I don't know if I can ever forgive you for what you did.” 

Sakura sighed and rose to her feet. “We all make our choices. If you change your mind, you know where I'll be.” 

She turned away, and headed back down the path to the village. Seeing it from a distance might take away all the pain and sadness, but it also took the joy and friendship. That was the thing about life. You had to take the bad as well as the good. 

Team Seven might be dead, but Konoha would remain.


End file.
